My name is Jen. I have three kids, a dog, a cat, and a chinchilla. I live in Vancouver, WA with those kids, pets, and my boyfriend. And my parents. They moved in with us last January.
I am fairly certain that I’m clinically insane (refer to list of things I live with), but seeing as how I’m not certified, I’m not getting paid very well. So instead I just share my random offensive ramblings with friends and family. Many of them have told me to start a blog. So here it is. Fresh and new. All shiny for you! Take the ribbon off and smell it. Do you smell that? (No, not that! That was probably one of the kids. Or the dog. Sorry. I was referring to the blog being new.) I really have no idea what I’m doing yet. And if you’re reading this, you probably already know me, so it really doesn’t matter right now if this looks like it’s run by a three year-old. Because at any given time, it just may be…
Most of what you will find on this blog is just my over-active imagination taking over my fingers and should be taken with sarcasm. For example, I frequently offer my kids “knuckle sandwiches” when they tell me they’re hungry. Would I ever punch them in the mouth to shut them up because we just got done with a meal? No. I really don’t even spank my kids. I like to go the subtle route and mentally/emotionally damage them by yelling. A lot.
If, for some odd reason you don’t know me, but find yourself here – you need to ask yourself three important questions:
#1) Am I easily offended?
#2) Do I lack a sense of humor?
#3) Do I hate all things that are not politically correct?
If you answered yes to any of those questions – leave now. Clear your browser history and never look back. Otherwise, enjoy yourself while we go on a journey inside of my head. You may want to bring a flashlight and a hard hat. It’s dark and dangerous in there.
And maybe a snack…