Aliens speak French and The House President doesn’t get to judge the project

The oldest minion is 11 yrs. old and in 6th grade. A few nights ago, she asked if she could use my laptop to look up some English/French translations. This only partially struck me as odd, because even though she’s not taking French in school, she’s always had an insatiable love of learning. She’s taught herself to play the keyboard by ear; reads at a 10th+ grade level; loves math; wants to be an architect when she grows up… I could go on forever.

What 4th grader goes to the public library and checks out a college level book about human anatomy? None, right? Well, mine did. And it wasn’t for any of the funny/gross/explicit material that I would have used it for. While I’m sure she giggled at a few things, she wanted more information about bones and muscles than her school books had, so she took it upon herself to find out.

Put it this way: she’s a nerd, and I fucking love it!

This was at the library this summer. She’s currently engrossed in a 700+ page novel.

I still don’t think she’s mine, but I’m not giving her up now. She’s going to be rich someday, and I’ll need someone to take care of me when I’m old. I have a feeling that I’m going to be a hot mess.

Wait. Never mind. She’s totally mine.

Although, my feelings may change when she hits puberty full-on. It’s coming soon, so maybe ask me again at the end of the school year. Right now I feel like the pig that built his house out of sticks and my brother just showed up yelling about some wolf that just blew his house down and is now following him.

Also? Why would you even lead a wolf to your brother’s house? Don’t you love him? Why would you want to hide in a flimsy house of sticks in the first place? Do you not remember that wolf blowing down your house on the last page? Did you really think the outcome would be different with the same shitty craftsmanship? I would make a horrible Little Piggy. There are so many holes in this story, it’s ridiculous. I would have gone straight to the house of bricks in the hopes that pig #2 turned into a snack and slowed the wolf down, and then never come out of the house again.

Anyway, I asked what the research was for, and she told me that she has a creative writing/art project due on Jan. 18th. She has to create an alien, give it a back-story, personality, make a model, and write an argument convincing her classmates to let her alien friend remain on Earth.

Creative writing is her “thing”! She’s been writing since, well, since she could write! She’s been selected for ‘The Young Author’s Conference’ at school since third grade (They choose 2 students from each grade level. She is always one.)! Surely, she’ll knock this one out of the park…

(source)

I read her project sheets, and while some parts were hysterical (like that she taught it English and now it speaks with a French accent), I asked her if she thought that maybe she could be more original with some of  her ideas. She named her alien’s planet Pluton… One letter off from Pluto. Her alien is also a shapeshifter, so it’s a blob. But a lot of the answers to the physical descriptions are “varies according to what it is”. It comes from a peaceful planet, is nice, a good friend, smart, and yada yada (she basically describes herself here) … but is street smart because they don’t have schools on Pluton.

Really, Minion? Really? You couldn’t come up with one thing that an alien might learn in alien school? REALLY?

Not even “How to impregnate a human”?!

She admitted that she probably could show a little more enthusiasm, but that it’s hard because “It’s too easy to get good grades.” It’s becoming more and more obvious lately that she’s not being challenged enough at school. I’m finding that she applies the least possible amount of effort because “it’s too easy”.

This scares the living crap out of me.

I don’t want her to start getting bored with school. I don’t want her to stop caring. I don’t want her to lose her love of learning!

So, in order to (hopefully) challenge her a bit and pique her interest, I suggested that I do the project too. I would hold myself to the same stipulations that she has with the assignment, and we’ll hold a contest to see who has the best one.

She thought it was a good idea, but wondered who was going to judge our little contest.

I said: “I will, of course. As House President, one of my sworn duties it to be the official deciding judge on all contests. Unless it involves poop. Then I’m out.”

Her: That’s not even fair! If you’re the judge, of course you’ll win! You could just write ‘evil monkey farts’ on a piece of paper and say that it’s the winner. Plus you have a blog that like, a million people read*. Yours will obviously be funnier. And why would we even have a contest about poop? That’s disgusting.

Me: You’re right. That IS disgusting, which is why I’m not judging any of those. Besides–it’s not about which one is funnier. It’s about which one is more creative. I could be totally unbiased and judge based strictly on the criteria…

Her: I’m still not comfortable with that. Maybe you could have your stalkers vote on them for us. Is there a way that you could post it on your blog and let them decide?

Why, yes. Yes there is…

So here’s what’s going to happen: In the next day or so, I’m going to add a tab to my menu called “Alien Project Fun Times” or something like that. There, I will post the “rules” of our contest, and maybe throw in a link-up thing/silly giveaway in case any of you want to join in on part or all of this. Of course, if you do, I wouldn’t necessarily expect you to adhere to all/any of the rules…

I’m going to have a hard enough time with that myself.

*tee-hee! My daughter thinks that a million people read this crap. It’s cute when children are delirious. I should probably go check my stash, just to be safe.

Tags: Alien Project, competition, contest, I need your help, oldest minion, sucked into schoolwork, you be the judge