I was at the grocery store with Stinkerbell the other day, and as we walked by the “bulk” section of the store, she got all kinds of excited because they have a multitude of different Halloween themed candy sitting at the end of the aisle in clear bins. After she asked if we could get some for the umptillionth time, I finally caved and told her that we could go look at it, but that we probably wouldn’t buy any.
Because of recent circumstances, I’m on a very strict (and extremely tight) budget. Basically, if we don’t need it, I’m not buying it. But then I saw that they had some “pumpkin spice” and “candy apple” flavored candy corn.
After a very heated argument, the little fat girl inside of me won and we bought a little bit of both kinds.
“These are going to be delicious!” I thought.
“Best decision ever!” I said to myself.
“They’re going to taste like heaven wrapped in fluffy little clouds of sugar and high fructose corn syrup!” I surmised.
Upon arriving home, Stinkerbell immediately told Legoman and The Minion that we bought candy corn, so of course they got super excited and started swarming around me like a pack of starving hyenas, begging for the delicious treats before I could even put down the final load of grocery bags.
Normally, this would bug the living crap out of me, but the little fat girl inside of me was dying to try them as well.
The little fat girl was highly disappointed. So were my minions.
While they did taste slightly like the flavors that they were claiming to be, they tasted absolutely nothing like they smelled. You can inject a turd with massive amounts of sugar, but it still tastes like shit. Super sweet shit.
My inner fat girl is still pouting about that one. She seems to think that we should write a strongly worded letter to the manufacturer of that garbage and tell them that we don’t agree with them lying to consumers that way.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make my fat girl some chocolate milk or she’s never going to shut up about the stupid candy corn.