I have candy AND a shiny new award. Best Halloween this year!

So, I’m going to state the obvious here and start by telling you that last night was Halloween. I know. I’m brilliant. I absolutely love this holiday. From the creepy decorations, to the mounds of sugar filled junk that I steal from the kids’ stash when they’re not looking. It’s all wonderful. Plus, it’s the only time of the year that it’s completely acceptable to have those cobwebs in the corner of my ceiling.

I was pretty excited for Trick-or-Treating this year. Not only is my youngest old enough now to really enjoy the entire experience; but I totally made myself a bad-assedly hilarious costume featuring an old Raggedy Ann doll. It’s a midget riding a midget. In my head it was going to be hysterically perfect and not at all one of those horrendous do-it-yourself fails. The doll was dressed in my munchkin’s old clothes and stuffed to fatten her up. Her shoes fit perfectly on top of mine and she would have been secured to my waist with a belt hidden by “my legs” hanging over Raggedy Ann’s shoulders. I was still debating on whether or not to paint my face to match hers. Slightly epic, right?

You may have noticed that the previous paragraph was all written in past tense. Like it didn’t happen. Yeah… My dumb ass left the doll sitting on the couch downstairs and she kind of got destroyed by hoards of children. Three times before I gave up. You would think I’d learn eventually. *sigh* Oh well. It was still insanely fun to watch the kids running around excitedly because they’re getting free candy without having to put on a blindfold and get into a stranger’s windowless van like I did when I was a kid. That guy always did have the best candy…

In other news: I was given an award by one of my newest stalking victims – The CrakGenius. That’s right, bitches! I gots me a Liebster. (Thanks, darlin’! You’re pretty damn great, and I would love to hide in your shower while you sleep so I could make a doll out of your nose-hair. It only counts if I collect the hair without your knowledge, so the barber idea is out.) I’ve seen this award around a few times. I had been curious about it before, but not enough to make me research it or anything. Lucky for me, CrakGenius went ahead and satisfied my curiosity because of his own. I love it when other people do my brain’s leg-work for me.

(Totally going to pull a “lazy B” and copy/paste a few things here. Forgive me. Or don’t.) Apparently, this award originated in Germany. Or was first given to German blogs. I’m not sure. Something about Germany. Anywho, he found the original “rules” for the award. Which I like better than the “updated version”, that really just makes it sound like an old school chain-letter.

Original(ish) Rules For The Liebster Award:

• You must thank the person who gave you this award.
• You must display the Liebster heart on your blog.
• You should nominate 3 to 5 up-and-coming blogs (with less than 200 subscribers)

The (now-ish) rules for The Liebster Award:

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
• Answer the questions the person giving the award has sent you.
• Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.
• Choose 11 people to award and send them the link to your post. Go to their page and tell them.
• No tag backs.

I’m not sure how it went from A to B, but from the looks of it, there was a superstitious 11 year old girl involved somewhere down the line. So here we go:

11 things about me: 

I am The Queen of Procrastination. I drive like a moderately retarded lunatic, yet have no tickets. My favorite color is blue. My favorite food is lasagna. My favorite number is 6, though I don’t know why. It’s not like it’s ever done anything for me. I am freakishly obsessed with midgets and monkeys (counting this as two). I make up my own facts and statistics when I don’t know what I’m talking about because it’s more entertaining than actual research. I am constantly making up songs about what I’m doing. I also sing Christmas music all year long. I’m a hippie at heart and love my giant garden, but hate getting dirt under my nails, so Manchild does most of the yucky parts. I pick it and make stuff.

11 questions for awardees from CrakGenius:

1. Are you a grammar Nazi?  (Spoiler: if you wanted to tell me that “awardees” isn’t a word… you are) I am in my head. More of a spelling Nazi than grammar though. I try not to obnoxiously point it out because I only like being an ass when I want to be.
2. If you had to choose just one, Facebook or Twitter? Ooh… That’s a hard one, since I hate them both so very equally most of the time. I’m going to go with Facebook for now because I suck at calling people and that’s how I keep in touch with my family. And also because I’m still figuring out the Twitter. *Answer subject to change at any given time.
3. How long have you been blogging? I’ve been doing this blog for just over two months now. Even if nobody reads it at all, I love being able to get the crazy out. It’s very therapeutic.
4. What’s the worst search term which led someone to your blog? Again with the stat search. Damn it. Okay, hold on… “Shooting your brother’s lady”. I’m guessing they scrolled for awhile before clicking on me.
5. What’s your most popular post and why? Craft Whores, here I come! is my most popular post. It’s either because I really am a pervertedly evil genius, or because the amazing Bearded Iris and The Suniverse held a twisted contest that I decided to enter and just got a bunch of views because they have a metric butt-ton of stalkers. It’s probably the first one though.
6. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? I just get one?!? Can it be the ability to change powers whenever I want to suit the needs of the current situation? Like – what if I want to walk through the wall to check out the men’s locker room and I hear someone coming and suddenly need to become invisible? I guess the ability to stop time (and still move myself) would be okay. Then I could peek and sneak out and nobody would know. Although, I’m not going to lie. My powers would be wasted. I would spend at least half my days stopping time to rearrange people into awkward scenarios just to start time again and watch the confusion and chaos that ensued. I’m a selfish asshole that lives for my own entertainment. What can I say?
7. What’s your favorite curse word and why? Mine is one of the most popular and overly used words out there. Fuck. It’s just so fucking diverse! You can use it to express any emotion you can feel, like a fucking champ! “What the fuck are you doing, fucker?” “That’s fucking awesome!” “Grrr… I’m so fucking angry, I could stomp on a fucking kitten!” “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.” Fuck, fucked, fucker, fucking, fucketry, fuckery… All versions of the word are A-Okay in my book.
8. What’s your porn star name?  (First name is the name of your first pet, last name is the name of the street you grew up on… so mine was Caligula Mayflower… more like May DEflower… am I right?!  Sorry.  Moving on.) I have a concern with this one. As I expressed on his blog, Bear Martin Luther King Junior Boulevard South doesn’t exactly “roll off the tongue”. Especially if I’m supposed to make a career of doing just that with said name. I can work with Bear (Bare). But The whole MLK Jr. Blvd. S. is just too much. If I were to become a porn star for some ungodly reason, my name would HAVE to be Jen Atalia. Because – duh!
9. Do you have any tattoos?  If so, how many?  If not, would you ever get one? Although I love and admire them (well done tattoos anyways), I don’t have any, and am not sure that I ever will. Something phenomenal would have to happen to warrant me scarring myself for life with something that will just look like a sad California Raisin if I make it to 70.
10. Introvert or extrovert? Definitely extrovert. I don’t need to be the center of attention by any means. That actually embarrasses the crap out of me. Not literally, because that’s gross, but it still makes me blush. That’s why I suck balls at job interviews. Again – not literally. Wow. This is really heading in the wrong direction. I guess what I mean is that I love being around and interacting with people. I have my shy moments, but am definitely comfortable talking to complete strangers about the dream I had the other day where some old guy wearing suspenders was dancing around and whistling through the gap in his teeth. (I actually woke myself up laughing at that one.)
11. How did you meet your spouse / significant other? I met The Manchild online. Yahoo chat, actually. Way, way back when I first moved here and people still used that. We chatted off and on for a few years, and then finally started hanging out when I moved to Vancouver. He tricked me into thinking he could do magic, and I tricked him into thinking that I’m sane. We were both highly disappointed. I’d say it was a pretty fair trade.

11 Questions for wieners from The Jeneral:

1. What is the first thing you would do in the event of a Zombie Apocolypse?
2. If you were stranded on an island and could only take 3 things with you, what would they be?
3. What would you do if I showed up at your house in a chicken suit with a potato gun and asked if you could come out to play?
4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and why? (Or not why. Some things are self-explanatory.)
5. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be, and why?
6. What’s your favorite thing about writing a blog?
7. What is your favorite food?
8. If you had one super power, what would it be?
9. Do you reheat leftover pizza, or eat it cold?
10. If I asked you really nicely and offered you my favorite pen, would you give me your pants?
11. Coming up with 11 random questions is hard. If you were me, what would you ask you? Please do that here and then answer it.

And now for my picks:

I’m not 100% sure if these people have received one of these yet or not, but if they have, well, now they have another one. I’m not sure how to tell how many stalkers one has, so I tried to pick people that make my insides warm and giggly and don’t get trillions of comments. I hope they like it, even if they have no idea who I am. Hell, I don’t even know who I am…

Gaijin Cracker - She’s a military wife living in Japan. Her blog is part tour guide, part disturbing used panty machines. She had some major stuff going on and hasn’t written in awhile, but I’m holding out hope that she is okay and gets back to it soon.

Yeah, I’m A Nerd. - She runs, she pees standing up, and she has a healthy obsession with zombies. You can’t NOT love this chick! I would love to be her neighbor so that we could come up with zombie survival tips over some coffee while building a time machine. She’s that great. Stalk her with me.

NORMAL FOR NORFOLK - Fucking bat-shit crazy. Frequently writes about poop. I love this broad. I would get arrested with her anywhere, anytime.

Evil Squirrel’s Nest - This guy has a completely unhealthy obsession with squirrels. I’m pretty sure it rivals my midget obsession. He draws squirrels and writes stories about them, along with other various things. I hope to someday room with him in a looney-bin so we can tell crazy squirrel stories together while we plan our escape.

There were a few more I wanted to nominate, but they already have one. So, ya know… Now I’m going to go spread the love and finish watching Shaun Of The Dead because it’s pretty great at 3 in the morning.

***Important edit!***

Always Drunk – Seriously one of my favorite people to stalk. This lady loves monkeys as much as I do and has an amazingly intelligent whore of a mouth. I was totally going to send one of these her way before publishing, but assumed that she has a closet full of them and just didn’t want to brag because she’s “a lady” or something. I should have known better. If you’ve never read her blog, go there now. And tell Corny I said hi. He’s still in mourning over Big Tex.

Tags: candy, Halloween, horribly made crafts, Liebster Award, midget riding a midget, the kids broke my costume