Some of you may have read about how I got myself suckered into doing a 6th grade sciencey/creative writing/art project last week. Was it last week? I don’t know. I’m too lazy to go look right now. Either way, the post is here if you want to read it. (It totally wasn’t last week. It was the 5th. The link told me so. But I’m too lazy to change my words, so you have to eat them anyways. Sorry. I’m in a good mood right now, so they should be delicious.*)
I also said something in that post about ‘if you want to do the project too, and link it to my page or comments, blah, blah, blah, I was going to do a giveaway for anyone I can sucker into this with me. Details coming soon’ … Well, it wasn’t exactly “soon”, but I finally freaking did it.
Here’s the link to the page, but there’s also a tab called “Alien Project Funtimes/Judge Me!” under my goofy picture so you can find it without searching for this same stupid post again. So, if you want to play, and win some ad space and other random stuff, head on over there and check it out.
New Subject!
I already have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to be that crazy old lady in the neighborhood.
You know the one.
No visitors.
Always in a mu-mu with scraggly hair and my teeth out so I’m always drooling on myself. Or worse – foaming at the mouth!
Everyone will suspect that I’m a witch. Nobody will trick-or-treat at my house for fear of being eaten or turned into a frog.
You’ll probably find me being followed around by umpteen hundred cats like the crazy cat lady on The Simpsons while I yell at the children to “Get off my damn lawn!” when they come within 100 yards of my property.
Yeah. That lady. Unless I live in a retirement home. Then I’ll just walk around naked.
Believe it or not – I’m fine with that. I actually hope to achieve that status someday. Like I said on someone’s blog yesterday about getting old; “I can’t wait. I plan to get a seeing eye monkey and sexually harass 20-something year old boys. It’s going to be expensive, but TOTALLY worth it.” And it will. I hope…
What scares me about it is the fact that I might not remember any of it. I already have trouble remembering to feed the children 3 times a day on the weekend! I don’t want to end up having one of my few lucid moments handcuffed to a bench next to Bertha being charged with sexual assault because I groped a bunch of teenagers in the mall again. Have you seen that show ‘Raising Hope’ yet? If not, you should. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be a lot like the Grandma on that show.
I like this dress, so I’m going to take it off of her and wear it to her funeral. (source)
Oh, Cloris Leachman, how I love thee…
It got me wondering if there’s such a thing as “selective senility” or not. I mean, my kids have “selective hearing” when I’m asking them to do chores, but in the middle of it, I can throw in a “Do you guys want some ice cream?” and they sure as hell hear that! So why can’t I be “selectively senile” when it suits my needs?
You know what? Fuck it. I’m trying it anyway. I’ll let you know how that turns out (if I remember).
ALSO?!
I made a button.
It looks like this:
Actually, I didn’t make it. I stole the code from Three Monkeys and a Martini’s tutorial (that you can find here if you need/want to make one, but are as computer illiterate as me) which is why I can’t get the steal-it box to show up on this post. Whatever. It’s in my sidebar if you want to grab it and slap it on something fancy, like your bike, bumper, or blog. Hey! Three B’s! (ohmygod! Can you tell I’ve been practicing letters with my 3yr old?)
Anywho, that’s all I have for the moment. I have to go get started on my project. Yes, that’s right. I haven’t even named my alien yet, and I still have to help my daughter make her 3D alien thingy.. What can I say? I’m The Queen of Procrastination…
*I make no guarantees about the deliciousness (or safety) of my words. Eat them at your own risk.
I am already that lady.
I’m working on it. I’m thinking I want to go with squirrels though. I knew a guy that was “pet-sitting” a squirrel once. It was fucking awesome!
Either that, or chinchillas.
Yay! I’m grabbing your butt. Button. Both.
YAY! I’m going to grab yours too. I keep meaning to, and keep forgetting. But since I’m thinking about it right now, I’ll do it then so that it’s done. Hooray for butt-ons!
I think I’m in for the Alien Project Funtimes…I’m aiming for an A on this project and wonder if bribery will help my grade
I’m already that lady, but instead of cats I plan to collect those creepy Precious Moments figurines and throw them at kids who dare to walk on my lawn
I love you SO much right now! Not only because that’s the only thing those figurines are good for, but also for wanting to bribe me into winning. The answer is yes. To everything. Just yes.
That button is pure awesome.
I want to be the crazy old lady playing grab ass with the busboys someday too
You are MORE than welcome to join me! Crazy loves company.
Especially if they bring their own voices.
So due to my late-in-the-day dyslexia, I saw this comment and it said “…I want to be the crazy old lady playing in the CRAB GRASS with the busboys…” and I was thinking, “What does crab grass have to do with this? Is it because that’s what is growing in the lawn that must be protected by the elderly? But why are there busboys on the lawn? WTH is going on in this neighborhood?”
And that is why I should not be allowed to read comments after about 2:00 pm.
I heart your silly face…
Why are you so mean, with the homework and the torturing? GAH!
Ok. WEll. I’m working on my alien project. We’ll see if I get a story out of it. I can’t promise anything. I tried to rope Gabe into doing it, too. I figure, why not share the misery, right? If you can force such torment upon us, I can trickle it down, too. Dammit.
MEAN!
Blame the oldest minion for that one. I had to do some major bribing to get it down to just that… And now I owe her an ice cream truck when she gets her license.
Gabe’s a party pooper! Doesn’t he know that it could count as an extra entry for you? Or at the very least, it’d be a chance for him to moon people on the internet right above my head…
I wish I wouldn’t have been such a slacker on my blog reading and came here the day you updated, ’cause I just made myself a button tonight, and it took me for-freaking-ever, but I did it, and I’m way more proud of myself than I probably should be. But had I came here two days ago, I would have seen the awesome tutorial that you linked. Ah, well. Lesson learned. Or not. I’m a horrible procrastinator; even when it comes to fun things like reading your awesome blog!
YOU MADE A BUTTON?! I am going to steal the crap out of it! Also: SO super proud of you for doing it on your own! If I hadn’t found that, I wouldn’t have one. I’m about as computer literate as a yak on steroids. (They don’t use computers)
I got behind on my blog-stalking months ago, and am still trying to catch up. I’m not sure it’ll ever happen, because I only like about 200 of them. Seriously, you should see my bookmarks bar. It’s horrible…
I’ve been trying to catch up on at least two a day. So far, I’ve been completely unsuccessful.
I finished my entry, but I totally half assed it. Not because I don’t care, but because it was for your daughter and God knows you don’t need her reading anything that comes from me, although I took care to remind her in my post not to have sex until she’s been married for forty years. You’re welcome.
Oh my God, I love you so much right now! I’m trying to convince her that sex is completely unnecessary with modern technology. She could be the next Mary!
I’m so glad you liked it! Sex is so unnecessary, and vibrators/sex toys are so affordable it’s ridiculous. At least with sex toys you get the satisfaction without being slapped on the ass and being asked to make a sandwich (that happened to me once. My husband still can’t sit properly). Sidenote: I made a button! It’s completely inappropriate. It’s a giant pink penis. Are you brave enough to take it? Dun dun dunn
You fucking BET I AM! Wait, are we talking about your giant pink penis, or the button? Screw it, I’ll take them both!
Hmm… Photobucket seems to think your pink penis is inappropriate. That makes me a sad panda.
No! Did it take it away? *runs to look* F*cking photobucket.
So…photobucket took away the button, but left the GIANT ass original pink penis up. Weird. I tried the button (added it to my button section on the bottom) and it still worked. Will you let me know if it does for you? Because damn it, I worked hard on that!
I don’t know what you did, but it worked! I now have your giant cock on my page.
YAY FOR THE BIG PINK PENIS!